In a town like Pittsburgh, where sports holds an important place in the social spectrum, sports rumors and myths often spread quickly. These are usually bits of information that you won’t find in the newspaper, but that you’ll often hear from the guy next to you at the bar. Talk radio has also become a prime outlet for people to distribute this kind of junk. There are many sports myths in Pittsburgh today, so I’ve come up with my list of the most ridiculous. Enjoy!

“Ben Roethlisberger’s gloves somehow contributed to his poor play during the 2004 playoffs.”
By far the most overblown story of this year’s post-season involved the rookie QB and his gloves. Roethlisberger didn’t wear gloves during the regular season, so when he began throwing costly interceptions during the playoffs, people assumed the gloves were the cause and that all would be fixed if he just took them off. What really annoyed me were the people who claimed QB’s can’t throw well with gloves. Jim McMahon played the entire 1985 playoffs with gloves on, including the Super Bowl, which was in a dome. The Bears blew out every team they played. And that’s just one of many examples.

“Kevin McClatchy is intentionally dismantling the Pirates in an effort to move the team.”
Here is how this one goes: McClatchy is intentionally trading stars and fielding a team of no-names in order to drive attendance down so that the team can get out of its lease in PNC Park and move to another city. If this sounds familiar, it’s because that was the same evil scheme employed by Indians owner Rachel Phelps in the 1989 film Major League. Phelps’ plan was foiled by Charlie Sheen and company, but unfortunately none of the current Pirates players care much about “winning the whole %&*#$% thing!”

“The Steelers passed on Pitt QB Dan Marino in the 1983 draft because they thought he was a big drug addict.”
Even if the rumors of Marino’s rampant cocaine binges in Oakland are true (and I doubt that they are), the Steelers and a bunch of other teams passed on Marino because he was not projected as a great NFL quarterback. Also, the Steelers had drafted their QB of the future in 1980 (the great Mark Malone) and still thought Terry Bradshaw was going to last a few more seasons. They were wrong, as were all the other stupid teams whom Marino smoked over the next 17 seasons.

“Joe Paterno is a class act.”
All that old man ever does anymore is cry about the refs. Then he says things like, “I would love to start playing Pitt again” when he knows full well that it was his arrogance that ended the best rivalry in college football. Yet the local media here still worships Penn State and treats Pitt like they’re some second-rate high school team. At least the recruits in this state are now starting to see the light.

“Frency Fuqua knows whether or not he touched the ball on the Immaculate Reception.”
I give all the credit in the world to Frenchy. He was a marginal player who knew that he had one shot at immortality, and he took full advantage of it. Despite the fact that his only contribution to the greatest moment in NFL history was getting his bell rung, the Frenchman has parlayed his role in that play into never-ending fame by saying that he is the only one who knows for sure whether or not the play should have been overturned. The truth is that Jack Tatum was maybe the fiercest hitter who ever lived, and Frenchy had no idea what his name was, much less whether or not he touched the ball, after that play ended.

“The Pirates kept Andy Van Slyke over Barry Bonds, most likely because Van Slyke was white.”
This one has been proliferated by certain talk show hosts and PG columnists. First of all, it wasn’t a choice between the two players. Bonds was a free agent after the 1992 season and Van Slyke was still under contract (and they lost him a year later). Secondly, although he was a local fan favorite, Van Slyke would never have commanded anywhere near the salary two-time MVP Bonds was going to get, so it’s an apples and oranges argument (it’s like saying that the Steelers are going to “keep” Lee Mays over Plaxico Burress). There is NO WAY the Pirates ever could have matched an offer that the Mets, Yankees, and eventually Giants would have made. Bonds may be the greatest cheater– I mean, player of the modern era, and the Pirates have made a lot of stupid personnel moves in the past decade, but to claim that they “dumped” Barry Bonds is 100% false. Adding in race as a factor is a very cowardly and appalling attempt to make this seem more legit.

“Kordell Stewart is gay.”
It’s amazing, I still hear it today – “My cousin’s neighbor’s friend is a police officer, and he said that story about Kordell being picked up in Schenley Park is true.” Yes, Kordell Stewart had what could be referred to nicely as a “rocky” several seasons in Pittsburgh, but spreading these rumors was just cruel. Think about it for a second: how many celebrity atheletes are able to successfully hide an arrest from the mainstream media? Kobe Bryant couldn’t do it. Neither could Ray Lewis. Or Michael Irvin. If players of that caliber can’t cover it up, what makes everyone think that Kordell Stewart somehow can? These rumors got so bad that Stewart actually had to explain to his teammates that he prefers women, and apparently he was pretty graphic about it too. I’m glad I wasn’t there for that team meeting!

“The Penguins missed the playoffs in 2002 because Mario Lemieux cared more about playing in the Olympics than he did about playing for the Pens.”
I get infuriated every time I even think about this one. We would not even have a team if it weren’t for Mario, so the fact that people have the nerve to say one bad word about this man makes me want to go on a shooting spree. Mario wanted to play in the Olympics. He wanted to win a gold medal for Canada (which he did). So did a crapload of other NHL players, which is why the NHL took a two week break in the middle of the season so their players could compete in the winter games. Mario said at the beginning of the season that he would sit out back-to-back games, but when he did, a bunch of moron Pittsburgh fans started accusing him of “saving himself” for Team Canada. It never dawned on them that he could play for Canada AND Pittsburgh. The Pens had a horrible team and weren’t going to the playoffs. Lemieux could have played every second of every game, and that fact would not have changed.

“Barry Bonds was the greatest Pirate ever, and the fans are wrong to boo him.”
That is absolute bull. Bonds is a great player, and his career with the Pirates saw him win two NL MVP awards. But never has a pro athelete in this town done more to help their team lose in the post-season than Bonds did. He was nowhere to be found during the 1990 and 1991 NLCS. Then when he finally did get a few hits in the 1992 NLCS, he capped the series by allowing Sid Bream, the slowest person in the history of the planet, to score from second base on a single to left field. Also, Bonds was (and still is) the biggest jerk in baseball. What does it say about a guy when his own teammates wouldn’t come out of the dugout to congratulate him after he hit his 500th homerun? I will recognize that he is a great player (although even that is in doubt due to his steroid allegations), but I will never EVER cheer for someone who is totally despicable as a human being.

“We voted down the two new stadiums, but they built them anyway.”
For some reason, people in this town seem to think that their taxes were somehow unfairly raised to pay for Heinz Field and PNC Park. The initial proposal, dubbed the Regional Rennessance Initiative, proposed a half cent sales tax increase to fund the stadiums. That was voted down on election day in 1997. The state and city then came up with a plan B solution to pay for the stadiums with EXISTING tax money. It’s funny how everyone gets riled up when we spend tax money on something useful like revenue-producing stadiums (which have dramatically improved the once desolate North Side area, a place I come to every day for work), but no one even notices when we spend tax money on unnecessary buerocracies and row offices.

Honorable Mentions:

• “Ben Roethlisberger and Jerome Bettis hate each other.”
• “Pittsburgh fans are racist and only boo ex-Pittsburgh atheletes who are black.”
• “Joe Greene once spit on Dick Butkus, and Butkus ran away in fear.”